Life Update: How it Feels to Fly

Writing tends to form our thoughts into ideas and expressions relatable to some and hated by others. Over the past few years I’ve found writing in any format to be helpful in allowing my mind to breathe and hit the reset button going forward. Yes, for the most part I make it a point to establish my writing as something that’s positive and encouraging to others but every so often I feel the need to talk about myself.

Now Playing: Dear to Me by Electric Guest

Whether 100 people read this or I’m just writing to myself essentially, placing these worlds out there in a sense frees some space in my mind for new thoughts and ideas to come in. Usually I like to write and type these pieces when I’m feeling good about myself, my life and my surroundings to show appreciation and encourage others, but lately maybe that hasn’t been the case for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still very thankful and appreciative for all aspects in my life good or bad as they provide teaching points that help better advance me to maybe one day be the person I believe myself to be in my mind and in my heart. Believing and seeing can become two different things and sometimes they can get blurred into one another and somehow, we call that a day, a month, a week or a year. Dallas has provided many smiles and fresh perspectives on what I thought I knew about myself. 10 months in and Texas has continued to feel like home since the first month, with sometimes home can be frustrating, upsetting and difficult but at the end of the day home is home and that’s where your heart is.

I feel over these past 10 months I’ve progressed a lot in many areas of my life, and I’m thankful for the new chances I’ve taken and the personal growth I’ve continued to explore here. From starting college, balancing work-life-personal and growing into friendships with some and falling out of them with others, life has remained what I expected it to me, a mixed bag that always leaves me appreciative and mostly positive at the end of the day.

Now Playing: Guarded by Flor

What’s been exciting is my love for the arts has grown so much in my time in Texas then ever before. I’m creating art, shooting photos, reading books and formatting blog posts at a rate like never. Especially with art, my art is something very important to me as I feel It’s growing with me as I advance through life and that’s something worth gold. I believe in my abilities to continue to get better at painting, drawing, mixed media, etc. that I’ll continue to get better at telling my story over time with each passing brush stroke. Comfort is big with me and I know the more I attempt to grow and balance my strengths and force myself to face my weaknesses, only the will I get to be where I want to be.

Now Playing: Where the Sun Hangs by Passion Pit

Reading, has been another love I’ve grown to embrace more than ever. Reading escapes my mind and sometimes even allows me to read about a world I find more comfort in then my own. Not saying that in a bad way but being honest, for many of us we read to escape. I read to both learn and escape. Now reading is a form of entertainment so I do strive to read things of interest in my mind and in my heart. It’s always nice reading the words of another individual that unknowingly captures my thought process even better than I could express it myself.

Now Playing: All My Heroes by Bleachers

Truth be told, I want nothing more right now than to grab a bunch of books at Half-Price Books, pack a small carryon, buy a cheap plane ticket to somewhere new, and escape or disconnect from life for a short period, on my spring break. It scares me that I want to do this because on the surface people would think I’m unhappy in my current situation but of course that’s not the truth. I personally could just use a break, I need to be somewhere full of faces I’ve never seen before, voices I’ve never heard just to feel unknown by my own mind’s standards. Alicia Keys once said, “I’d risk the fall, just to know how it feels to fly.” With over 3 months into the new year and almost a year under my belt in Texas, I’ve experienced mostly good and of course that’s what I choose to focus on, but with a side of a little truth telling and vent.

Now Playing: How it Feels to Fly by Alicia Keys

I don’t have the answers to what my life will hold in the upcoming months and just like I can tell you I’m optimistic, I can also tell you I’m scared. I know that I have a different way to expressing my life than my peers, I know I’m more open to creative outlets and expressing myself through them easily. I use social media to my advantage to showcase and share positivity to as many as possible, understanding some people may resonate with who I am, and others don’t. I’m aware I may not be everyone’s ideal friend and to be honest, a lot of people aren’t mine either, really. Nonetheless, I can never control the uncontrollable, I can only try my best to control myself. Even though at some points in time recently I’ve felt as if I can’t control myself because I’m not controlling myself with true intentions. Life is a weird game man and can be vastly interpreted in so many ways that time and time again, I feel lost. Yet, who isn’t. A lot of things have gone right for me over these past ten months and of course my struggles have been present as well. Some I’ve solved and others, I couldn’t even tell you what I’m going to do about them. Just know that I’m okay and I’m doing my very best to stay positive because so many people really don’t want to be positive and you find out that ugly truth in sometimes not the best places. Positivity attracts people towards you and sometimes you must really determine who’s generally reciprocating it and who is just feeling off yours if they can.

Now Playing: Teleport 2 Me, by WZRD

Distance and Time by Alicia Keys

Somebody once told me, life is really living through multiple versions of yourself until you find the one that’s the honest and most sincere version. It can feel as if you’re on a long-standing journey, going city to city, person to person until you find the place and the person that gives you the key that unlocks the door to reaching the version of yourself you can smile at and smile back at you. Have I found that door yet? No. Have I found that city yet? Hopefully. Have I found that person yet? Depends on my truth telling.

Nonetheless, I know somewhere out there, the version of myself that’s smiling at me, is waiting for me. Through distance and time, hopefully I get there.